"Don't follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived; you got to LEAD your heart."

saw this on twitter, most of the people tweeted this during the evening service.
friends talked about this to me.
and having that faith once again.
saying things like i am not facing this alone, they are always here to help me. always.
i was trying to hard to avoid, to run, dont give a heck about it.
but i just cant seem to run away to what God is trying to say to me.
He spoke through my family, my friends.
it was speaking to me at the point of time, but i kept ignoring.
God didnt give up on what He really wants to tell me.
He let me see His words through twitter, facebook and sms.
and then these verse really spoke to me in isaiah 35:3-7, it says:

'strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “be strong, do not fear;your God will come, he will come with vengeance;with divine retributionhe will come to save you.” then will the eyes of the blind be openedand the ears of the deaf unstopped. then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. water will gush forth in the wildernessand streams in the desert. the burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs.In the haunts where jackals once lay, grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.'

i was spiritually dry. and i know every season we will have a struggle in our lives. during this season, i felt like i couldnt make it anymore. i dont wanna move on anymore. let me just lead my own life, and just leave me alone. but my friends didnt give up on me. they showed me that what can faith do in our lives. yes, it may be hard but Jesus wont let me bear the things that i cant bear. who says being a christian is easy? it never was. so many people in the bible suffered so much, but God manage to pull them through. so why am i doing this? honestly, im just making myself, my life, more miserable.
and now i understand. i wont give up. no matter how tough my life is gonna be i know its gonna be worth it to prepare me for the future, my future. i may not know where is He gonna take me, but i just wanna have that childlike faith once again to believe in God.

and here i am to say im truly sorry for what ive done to my family, friends and most of all, God.
sorry to disappoint.
cause i thought running away was the best solution.
it never was, just gonna make things worst!
thank God for such awesome friends that never fail to encourage me (even though i totally ignored them but yet they still choose to sms me anyway)
tell me, where can i find such God loving friends?
well i have alot of them, and i will definitely cherish each and everyone of them (:
thank you all so much for not giving up on me.
this i know! that they are my real true friends.
bucking up in progress...... (: